These will change your life!

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, by John M. Gottman & Nan Silver.

Getting the Love You Want, by Harville Hendrix

Crucial Conversations, by Kerry Patterson et al

You can learn to love again!

60% of unhappy marriages turn happy again. If your marriage is on the rocks there is hope for you. I really like this song because I believe that "we can learn to love again." 

These past six months I have learned so much about ways husbands and wives can improve and strengthen their marriages. In my following posts I want to share some of the beautiful things I have learned. But for now, take heart and don't give up! you can learn to love again!

The Family Proclamation

THE FAMILY

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A PROCLAMATION TO THE WORLD

The First Presidency and Council of the Twelve Apostles of theChurch of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

WE, THE FIRST PRESIDENCY and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.

ALL HUMAN BEINGS—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.

IN THE PREMORTAL REALM, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshipped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize their divine destiny as heirs of eternal life. The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally.

THE FIRST COMMANDMENT that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.

WE DECLARE the means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed. We affirm the sanctity of life and of its importance in God’s eternal plan.

HUSBAND AND WIFE have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.

THE FAMILY is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.

WE WARN that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.

WE CALL UPON responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.

This proclamation was read by President Gordon B. Hinckley as part of his message at the General Relief Society Meeting held September 23, 1995, in Salt Lake City, Utah.

Sick of sitting? Come to a class!

choose a class! invite a friend! don't just read this stuff for it to go in one ear and out the other- come to a class that suites you and start using these principles in your life!

What is a fragile family?

·      Fragile families = unmarried parents with children (cohabitating or single or divorced)

These people struggle to hold their little families together. These are the people who need the most help

·      +41% of children born to unmarried parents in US

·      it’s a class (education and income) differentiation

·      +50% of births to women under 30 are non-marital

·      48% of first births are to unmarried couples

·      +50% of non-marital births have both parents who are together and co-habitating

Fragile couples  want to make it work, but its so hard. Why?

·      Financial problems (low education, type of jobs, seasonal employment, bad hours, tough to hold a job, minimum wage)

o   They want to have it all and have marriage as a capstone (instead of marriage as part of the foundation!) We need to help educate these at risk populations about the possibilities for happy marriages and about the resources and education opportunities available to them!

there is something for everyone on this website!

What is the logic of government helping to strengthen families?

What is the logic of government helping to strengthen families?

·      Family isn’t just for the family- it affects lots of other aspects of society

·      Marriage is a huge part of our civic structure

·      a strong institution or marriage supports the well-being of children and adults

·      the marriage gap- the less advantaged struggles to form healthy, stable relationships- which directly impacts their well-being.

·      Well educated couples divorce rate is almost in single digits

·      Government is picking up the slack when these families are dysfunctional

o   Tanif, food stamps, children become wards of the state, foster care, healthcare costs (medicade) 

o   $$$ more family stability would save the government lots of money

·      preventable family breakup? Let’s help them!

·      Education that could make a difference

·      can we help one or two? Even if we can’t fix all of society, we could repair one family

We have a civil obligation to do all we can to help strengthen not only our own, but families everywhere.

"WE CALL UPON responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society."

-proclamation to the family

Divorce in Utah and How to Prevent It

In 2010 there were over 10,000 divorces in Utah (Utah's Vital Statistics Marriages and Divorces 2009 and 2010 Utah Department of Health Center for Health Data). We need to divorce-proof our marriages!

strongermarriage.org has a few helpful links:

does divorce make people unhappy?

a video: 5 ways to save your marriage

here are some things I have learned from my Family Public Policy class about divorce:

·      unhappy spouses who divorced and remarried were no happier than unhappy spouses who stayed married.

·      Psychological wellbeing: Divorce did not reduce symptoms of depression for unhappily married adults or raise their self esteem, or increase their sense of mastery compared to unhappy spouses who stayed married

What happens to unhappy marriages (10%)

·      20% divorced, 80% still married

·      60% happy (rebound)

·      26% better, but not quite happy

·      14% still unhappy

These statistics show that unhappy marriages often have a chance at becoming happy again! 

What are the major reasons people give for their divorce?

·      Lack of commitment (73%) or unequal commitment

·      Too much arguing (56%)

·      Infidelity (55%) 

·      Married too young (46%)

·      Unrealistic expectations (45%)

·      Lack of equality (44%) this one has probably declined a lot

·      Lack of preparation (41%)

·      Abuse (30%) uncommon

A lot of these weaknesses in relationship can be changed and improved by work and using the resources available in our community: click here for a huge list of ways to improve your marriage!

good news for me and my fellow college students: ·      YOUR demographic divorce rate risk is low- well educated, same religion, parents good marriage, older than 22, white. Your risk for divorce is quite low, almost 10%!